


Sweet Nothing

by Miss_Psychotic



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, Feelings, Happy Ending, Jealous Jonny, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 06:02:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5405717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Psychotic/pseuds/Miss_Psychotic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn’t that Jonathan disliked the Russian rookie. Artemi Panarin was a sweet kid and a good hockey player.</p><p>Jonny just hated that he got all of Kaner’s time and attention these days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweet Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, Beta'd by my darling Jay <3   
> I needed something angsty with Pining Jonny because Patrick won't play with him anymore. 
> 
> Inspired by the Blackhawks Snapchat in which there were 3 or 4 snaps of Jonny warming up near Kaner and the caption of "Pay attention to me" or "Kaner play with me!"

_But I'm tired of hope with nothing to hold_

_I'm living on such sweet nothing_

_Sweet nothing, sweet nothing_

_You're giving me such sweet nothing_

__

_It isn't easy for me to let it go_

_Cause I've swallowed every single word_

_And every whisper, every sigh_

_Eats away this heart of mine_

_And there is a hollow in me now_

 

* * *

 

 

It wasn’t that Jonathan disliked the Russian rookie. Artemi Panarin was a sweet kid and a good hockey player.

Jonny just hated that he got all of Kaner’s time and attention these days.

It wasn’t too bad at first.

When Patrick and Jonny hung out the blonde would talk about the Russian, praising his skill and joking around. He never harassed Jonny about his lack of goals or points, never chirped him about how many points Kaner had more than him.

It was Panarin this, Breadman that, and a few times Tyoma this or Tyoma that.

Jonny hated it..

***

“Hey Kaner, what are you doing today?” Jonny asked casually as he sprawled on his couch, one hand holding the remote to flick through TV channels the other holding his phone.

“I’m busy man. The Breadman and Teeks are coming over to educate me on the Russian ways.” The blonde laughed, putting on his best (read: worst) Russian accent.

“Oh.” Jonny replied, voice soft.

“Hey you should come too! We’re just gonna eat shit that Teek’s lady made and watch Russian movies.” Patrick offered.

“No. It’s fine. You have fun.” The Captain replied, swallowing past the lump in his throat and the churning sensation in his gut.

“Cool, I’ll see you at practice man.” Patrick hung up before Jonny could reply.

Fuck.

***

“Morning.”

“Ey! Captain!” Shawsy beamed, looking up from where he was lacing his skates.

“How was your day off?”

“Glorious! Kaner had this rad mini party and we all got Breadman drunk and Teeks was translating. It was hilarious.” Shawsy replied, grinning wide.

Jonny’s smile faltered into a firm line.

“Sounds great.” He replied curtly, continuing further into the locker room to his own stall.

If Shaw realized anything wrong with his Captain he didn’t mention it.

“Hey Taze.” Duncs greeted the brunette as they geared up for practice.

“Hey.”

“I still can’t get over how filthy that tiny Russian is. Can you believe the shit he was saying last night?”

“No, I really can’t.” Jonny snapped back, harsher than he meant to.

“I know. He looks all cute but kids more perverted than all of us.” Duncs grinned, laughing to himself.

Jonny just rolled his eyes and continued to dress.

When Kaner came in, he was accompanied by none other than Panarin, the two of them grinning widely and laughing at something one of them had said.

Jonny did his best to ignore them, but the urge to talk to Kaner, to have some kind of interaction won out.

“Hey Pat.”

“Hey Jonny.” Kaner replied, not even turning his head away from where Panarin was gesturing wildly as he spoke half in English and half in Russian.

Jonny sighed deeply and tried not to let hurt show on his face.

***

“If you glare any harder I think you might just melt the ice.” Seabs pulled to a stop next to Jonny as he stood against the boards and watched as Panarin and Kaner played keep away up and down the ice, taking shots when they got between the dots.

Jonny didn’t reply, just continued to watch the two.

“They work so well together. It’s almost hypnotising.”

Jonny remained silent, swallowing thickly, feeling his stomach roll with jealousy. That used to be him.

“I guess.”

“I mean you and Kaner used to have great chemistry, but those two, whole nother level.”

Jonny had to close his eyes and breathe deep at the level of emotion that ran through him at that. Used to. Whole nother level.

“Oh hey. What do you think of the play we came up with last night? I bet it’ll work.”

“I don’t know.” Jonny replied, sick of hearing he’d been left out.

“C’mon, with your hockey IQ-”

“I wasn’t invited last night.”

“What? You were there... weren’t you?”

Jonny shook his head, gave a pointed look to Panarin “Looks like it’s not just my spot on the ice he’s taken.” He shot back harshly and skated off.

***

Despite feeling constantly out of the loop and alone, Jonny still tried to spend time with his team, especially Kaner.

“Hey, what are you up to?”

“Out to lunch with Breadman.”

***

“Hey come hang out tonight?”

“Going out with Teeks and Tyoma, come with.”

***

“Hey, wanna do breakfast at our usual spot? I’ll give you a ride to practice after.”

“I was just about to go pick up Breadman.”

***

“Hey.... dude where are you?” Jonny held the phone back away from his ear.

“I can’t hear you Jonny. I’m at this club, it plays nothing but Russian dance music! Teeks showed me and Breadman!” Patrick shouted back.

Jonny hung up on him.

***

“Hey, you okay there, Cap?” Seabs shouldered Jonny playfully as they boarded the bus to the airport.

“Fine.”

“You haven’t been hanging out with us much.” The older man pointed out.

“No one’s been inviting me.” Jonny replied, tone condescending and pissy.

“Are you and Kaner fighting?” Seabs asked, voice quieter than before, like it was a secret.

“No. He’s just too busy for me these days.”

“Bullshit. I bet you two have spent more time together than you have apart.”

“I haven’t seen Kaner outside of practice and games since Tuesday last week.”

“Shit.”

Jonny just shrugged and reached for his headphones, securing them over his ears and turning his music up loud enough to drown out any more of Seabs questioning.

***

Jonny’s mood didn’t improve by the time they landed in New Jersey. He carried the tension in his shoulders, muscles coiled tight, ready to snap into action at any second.

Jonny was first dressed and ignored everyone else on the ice during warm up. He had no Captainly speeches to give before the puck drop and skated his ass off.

Tension grew at the appalling hockey they were playing, losing to the fucking Devils of all teams.

Jonny snapped after Henrique had shoved him and started chirping about losing his boy to a Russian baby.

Jonny had his gloves down and off instantly, punching the Devil’s player twice before his helmet was off and Jonny threw wild punches at his unprotected head, jabbing a few uppercuts to his face before the linesmen separated them.

Jonny continued to cuss out the other man even as he was lead to the box.

***

“You wanna tell me what that was about?” Q glared at his Captain.

“Not really.” Jonny shot back.

The locker room went silent, Jonny never spoke that way to Q.

“Lose the fucking attitude and get your head in the game Toews. I don’t wanna see any more of that bullshit.”

Jonny clenched his jaw and lifted his head, chin jutting out in defiance.

Q eyed him for a few moments, still shocked at the Captain’s behaviour before addressing the rest of the room and yelling at them about their abysmal performance so far.

***

“If it’s shit at home, you know you gotta leave it there.” Q spoke lowly to Jonny in the elevator back at the hotel.

“It’s not. I told you it’s nothing.”

“Well whatever it is, fix it or leave it at the door. You fight like that again and I’ll take you off for the game.”

“Whatever.” Jonny replied as the doors opened on his floor.

Q watched him go, worry etched into his face.

***

“Okay, who are you and what have you done with Tazer?” Duncs demanded, pushing his way into Jonny’s hotel room almost a week later.

“What do you want?”

“What’s with all the fighting man? Nine years with only 3 fights and now four scraps in three games? The fuck is up?”

“Nothing. Why does everyone keep fucking asking me this shit?”

“Because clearly something is up. Is it Kaner? You two fighting?”

“You can’t fight if you don’t fucking talk to someone.”

“Is this...” Duncs took a moment to find the right words.

“Are you... jealous over Panarin and Kaner?”

Jonny stopped his pacing and glared hard.

“Because I get it man. You spend your career on the same line as someone, you get lumped together with them for everything, everyone talks about the two of you as if you’re the same person and then one day... you’re just not. One day someone else is in the spotlight with them and you’re left to the side.” The older man spoke with a level of understanding in his voice.

“It’s just an adjustment. I’ll get over it.”

“No you really won’t.” Duncs snorted a disbelieving laugh.

“You’ve been Kane and Toews for 9 years dude. The boys who brought hockey back to Chicago. You’re fucking hockey married and now you’ve been replaced by a younger foriegn upgrade. It must hurt.”

Jonny finally sat down heavily on the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands, nodding.

“Feels like someone reached into my body and ripped out the important parts.”

“Sounds like it’s more serious than hockey.” Duncs observed.

“What?” Jonny frowned, glancing up.

“It’s not just on the ice, is it? You’ve been replaced as the best friend too. You’ve been absent the last few times we got lunch, or hung out at Kaner's. You missed out on ‘Day Off Pancakes’. You haven’t been sitting together on the bus, no rides in together and I doubt you’ve been hanging out like you used to.”

“None of that is my fault.”

“Never said it was.” Duncs placated. “But maybe you should point this out to Kaner. You know what he’s like. He’s a kid with a new shines toy. He forgets about everything else until the new toy loses it’s shine and then he goes back to his old favourite, his forever toy.”

“I feel like that was a Toy Story reference somehow. Colton got you watching disney movies again?”

Duncs smiled and shrugged. “Maybe. But you need to work out your shit Jon. Fighting, shutting everyone else out. The tension in the locker room alone is fucking everyone up.”

“Why is it up to me to fucking fix this? Go tell Kaner to pull his head out of his ass.”

“But you do it so well.” The older Canadian grinned.

Jonny couldn’t help but smile back.

“Okay. I’ll fix it.”

***

Brent Seabrook frowned as his movie time with Duncan Keith was interrupted by someone banging loud and obnoxiously on his door.

“Oh god.” Seabs groaned as he opened the door to a very drunk Jonny Toews.

“Why does it hurt so much?” Jonny asked, eyes unfocused as he stared right at Seabs.

“Come on in. Duncs get him some water.” Seabs sighed and supported the drunk man to the couch.

“What happened?” Duncs asked, handing over a bottle of water.

“I went over to talk to Kaner. He said he was free.” Jonny started, voice only slightly slurred from the whiskey he’d consumed.  “But then he was there and Kaner was so fucking-” Jonny gestured wildly with his hands and made angry faces. “Like us hanging out automatically included the rookie.”

He took a drink of water.

“And he shrugged and you know what he told me? He fucking told me they were just analyzing game tape.” He spat the words out like he’d just announced Kaner and Panarin were having an orgy with hookers and blow.

“Game tape from the 90’s! And they had a hockey white board! And how could he? The fucking traitor!” Jonny seethed, voice loud and laced with venom.

Seabs and Duncs shared a matching look.

Everyone knew Kaner and Tazer went over game tape together, from rookie year until present they would analyze and break down the plays, try and make some of their own from it. It was a strictly Kane and Taze operation.

“Jonny, man. Maybe you should, uh.” Duncs hesitated. “Maybe you should think about why all this hurts so much?”

“It hurts because I’m being replaced by a fucking rookie.” Jonny snapped.

“Yeah but, you’ve had rookies bond with your other friends before, why is this one different?” Seabs pushed.

“Because it’s Kaner! Kaner’s mine! Everyone knows that. Kane and Toews, Toews and Kane.” Jonny shouted.

“He’s mine, my best friend! I make him laugh at stupid shit and fight with him on the bench! I analyze game tape with him and I make him jealous of my hockey! That’s mine! I get those stupid fond looks and his lame jokes.” Taking a breath Jonny sighed, suddenly realizing his face was wet.  “He doesn’t even smile at me anymore.” He confessed wiping furiously at the tears leaking from his eyes.

“Jon-” Duncs started but was cut off by Seabs. “It’s not just your friendship is it?”

Jonny shook his head, wiping harder at his face.

“I think I’m stupidly in love with my best friend.” He confessed.

“God. It’s about fucking time.” Duncs sighed and high fives Seabs.

“What?”

“Kid, everyone knows about you and Kaner. We’ve been taking bets since rookie year.”

Jonny frowned at them both.

“You’ve been in love with him for years. He loves you too. You’re both just too stupid to fucking see it.”

“I’m too drunk for this. Neither of you are making sense.” Jonny told them and drank more water.

“Can I crash here?”

“Go for it.” Seabs rolled his eyes and helped Jonny to the spare room.

When he was safely tucked in, the defenders turned to each other.

“One of us has to kick Kaner’s ass.”

They maintained eye contact for a few seconds before wordlessly beginning a game of rock paper scissors.

“Yes!” Seabs crowed when his paper covered Duncs rock.

“Fine. I’ll do it tomorrow.”

***

“Kaner! Hey, can I talk to you man?” Duncs asked as he helped Patrick wrangle pucks into a bucket.

“Sure, what’s up?” The blonde replied.

“What’s going on with you and Tazer man?”

“What do you mean?” Patrick looked confused.

“Are you two fighting? You guys haven’t been hanging out and I noticed he hasn’t been to a lot of the chill nights at your place.”

“Oh he’s been busy.” Kaner shrugged. “We’re not fighting.”

“He’s been... Kaner. Did you even ask him?”

“Of course, why would you ask me that?” Kaner narrowed his eyes at his friend.

“Because Jonny told me he hasn’t been invited to anything, he thinks you’re replacing him with Panarin.”

“What?” Kaner frowned. “That’s stupid.” He told Duncs.

“Hey man, you know better than everyone Tazer’s way of thinking.”

Kaner nodded slowly, clearly thinking.

“I guess I have been spending a lot of time with Breadman.”

“You think?”

“Dude. I can have other friends besides Jonny. What’s the big deal anyway?”

Duncs mentally groaned. Idiots.

“Just, talk to him yeah? Without Panarin around.”

Kaner rolled his eyes and punched Duncs in the arm before skating off.

“Well. I tried.” The D man sighed to himself.  

***

“How’d it go?” Seabs whispered as he rubbed himself down with a towel after practice.

“Shit. Kaner’s still oblivious.” Duncs replied, casting a look over to Jonny who was sitting in his stall, furiously lacing his shoes and ignoring everyone, while Kaner joked with Anisimov, Teeks and Panarin.

“Okay. That does it.” Seabs threw his towel down and grabbed his phone.

“Time to bring in The secret Weapon.”

***

“Thanks again man, you know I wouldn’t have called if things weren’t at critical.”

“No worries, Seabs. I got it handled.”

“Thanks man. Duncs and I owe you a case of beer.”

“Make it a week of babysitting during the Summer and we’re square.”

“Done.”

***

“Sharpie?” Kaner frowned as he answered his phone.

“What’s up man?” He asked, unsure why the older man was calling him. They usually text and sometimes if the text were really intense they’d switch to a call to save their thumbs, but this was completely out of the blue.

“You know how over the summer you cried into my chest and told me you were done waiting for Tazer to get a clue because your heart couldn’t take it anymore?”

Kaner went red.

“I may have some vague recollection of a conversation that may or may not have gone like that.”

“Well apparently you’re playing the jealousy card a little too well.” Sharpie told him.

“What are you talking about?”

“This whole, use the Russian Rookie to make Tazer jealous, thing. It’s been going on long enough. Put Jonny out of his misery and talk to him about your dumb feelings.”

“I don’t want to talk about my dumb feelings because Jonny is a dumbass Canadian hockey robot with no dumb feelings and I don’t feel like being humiliated okay?”

“You’re an idiot, Peeks.” Sharpie sighed fondly. “Jonny went to Seabs and Duncs and bitched to them because you were hanging out with Panarin all the time.”

“He did not.”

“He did.” Sharpie assured him.

“So? Serves him right for being a dick.”

“Apparently he cried because you were watching 90’s game tape with Panarin and not him. He made it sound like you were cheating on him.”

“We never agreed that analyzing game tape was a monogamous activity.”

“Kaner.”

“He doesn’t like me like that Sharpie. He doesn’t okay. Jonny’s just pissed because I’m not hanging with him. Not because he like misses me or anything.”

“Jonny’s in love with you, just as much as you’re in love with him you moron. Go talk to him and fix this before I get on a flight and bang your heads together until one of you starts making sense.”

“Wow Sharpie, tell me how you really feel.”

“Just do it, or I shall withhold all photos and news of Miss Maddy and Sadie from you.”

Kaner gave a loud mock gasp. “You wouldn’t!” He cried, pretending to be outraged.

“I’ll fucking do it. Fix this shit.”

“Fine.”

***

Jonny checked the wall clock when someone started knocking on his door.

It was still pretty early, 8:30 and they only had practice skate tomorrow. One of the guys could be coming around to hang out.

“Oh.” Jonny gasped when he opened the door to find Patrick standing there looking awkward and skittish.

“Um. You wanna come in?” He asked, stepping back for Patrick to enter the house.

“So um. Apparently I’ve been spending too much time with the Russian’s and not enough with you.” The blonde blurted.

Jonny felt his stomach roll and his chest tighten.

“So you’re here because someone told you to? A pity hang out? Really?”

“No. I mean. Yes. I mean.” Patrick paused and took a breath.

“It has come to my attention that I’ve been a dick and haven’t spent time with my best friend in a while and I want to fix that. So, beer and mario kart?”

Jonny eyed him for a moment before sighing deeply.

“Sure, why not.” He shrugged reluctantly and lead Kaner to the couch.

“Um. I also may have gotten a talking to from Sharpie.” Kaner admitted once they were seated.

“What did you do now?” Jonny teased.

“I had a breakdown over the summer about my feelings for someone not being returned and he called to tell me I’m an idiot because apparently they are returned but I have no idea if that’s true and I’m super confused about it and.” He let out a deep breath. “Yeah.”

“You never told me you liked anyone.” Jonny said, voice slightly hurt. “You didn’t think you could trust me?”

“What? No of course I can. I know I can it’s just complicated.”

“Why? Who are you pining for?” Jon teased.

“First of all, fuck you I am not pining and second... um... it’s... It’s a guy and telling you just feels awkward.”

“Because it’s a guy and you don’t know how I’ll handle that or because it’s someone I know awkward?”

“The second.”

Jonny took a deep breath.

“It’s not my brother is it?”

Kaner stared at Jonny blankly before he pitched a sofa cushion at his head.

“What? No! I have much better taste than your dumbass brother!” He replied, outraged.

Jonny laughed.

“One of the guys on the team?” The brunette pushed.

“Um.” Pat went red.

“Well, it can’t be one of the rookies. You didn’t know them over the summer, so that takes out Panarin.” Jonny was a little smug as he spoke.

“Yeah, I kind of hid myself with the new guys to avoid him.”

“Oh god, it’s not Seabs is it?”

Kaner made a disgusted face.

“Ew. Too much hair for me.”

“That rules out Duncs and Hossa.”  Jonny mentally ticked off. “and Bickell.”

“Eww. Jonny, stop. That’s. No.” Kaner laughed. “Wait, so... you’re really okay with me liking dudes? Dude, a guy?”

“Yeah...” Jonny nodded as he drew out the word confused. “Why wouldn’t I be? I’d be really fucking hypocritical if I wan’t.”

“Wait.” Kaner held up one of his hands. “You... you like guys?”

“A guy.” Jonny nodded.

“Since when?”

“Since forever I think, but I only just realized it for what it really is.”

“Jonny.” Kaner started. “Can I ask you something?”

“You just did, but sure.” Jonny nodded watching the expressions crossover Kaner’s face.

Patrick’s stomach rolled as he tried to mentally figure out how to ask.

“Were... were you jealous of Panarin when I was hanging out with him?”

Jonny wanted to lie, to hide from this conversation but he stayed strong.

“Yes.” He nodded, setting his jaw and swallowing thickly.

“Oh. Was it... was it because you had no one to hang out with or...?”

“It was because I couldn’t hang out with you. Because he got all your attention. I wasn’t even an afterthought. You joked and laughed and smiled with him, not me. It felt like I was disposable, replaceable. I thought our 9 years meant nothing now that you had him.”

Pat took a moment to digest the information.

“So you... you do like me?” He asked, feeling unsure.

“Yeah, Pat. Have for a while. I guess I just didn’t realize how much I needed you in my life, by my side, until you suddenly weren’t there anymore.” Jonny admitted, feeling his face and the back of his neck flush in embarrassment.

“Oh.” Kaner took a moment. “So um. I guess I’ve been an idiot.” He admitted sheepishly. “Because I swore to Sharpie over the summer I was done with being in love with an asshole who was so blind he only saw me as a friend. Guess I was the blind one this time.” He tried to joke, but it fell flat.

“You better not be teasing me right now.” Jonny warned the blonde.

“I’m not. Shit Jon. I’ve been in love with you since rookie year you dick! I spent 9 fucking years wondering when the hell you were going to wake up and realize how I felt. I thought for sure I was being ridiculously obvious. All the guys know. Why do you think Burr and Sharpie gave me so much shit? Why Carbomb would chase us with mistletoe at Christmas? Why Mutt would always call us Mom and Dad?”

Jonny’s eyes widened as he listened, little puzzle pieces clicking into place in his mind.

“Oh.” He said. “Oh. Wow.”

“Yeah. I was convinced you knew and just refused to acknowledge it, or you knew and were too weirded out by it that you ignored it.”

“Nope. Apparently I’m just that oblivious.”

“Captain Oblivious.” Kaner nodded.

Jonny let out a small snort of laughter.

“Yeah.”

It was quiet for a moment as both men let the conversation sink in.

“So, about that beer?” Kaner teased.

“Get it yourself, you know where the fridge is.” Jonny teased, throwing back the cushion Kaner had thrown at him earlier.

“Yeah yeah. So mean to me.” Kaner shook his head.

“Oh and Kaner.” Jonny called out as the blonde entered the kitchen.

“What?” Patrick called back.

“You ever analyze game tape with anyone other than me again I’ll kick your ass. That’s ours.” Jonny warned.

Patrick reentered the room with a beer in his hand and cheeky grin on his face.

“Alright. No one knows the plays better than you anyway.” He teased, pressing a kiss to Jonny’s lips quickly before grabbing the WII remote.

“Dibbs on King Boo!”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment and let me know what you think!  
> As always I can be found on tumblr, my writing blog is MissPsychoticFics and my main is MissPsychotic  
> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
